Boredom

I've been trying to occupy my days with knitting, japanese self-studying, drawing, etc...
It's been hard.

The main reasons for trying to desperately occupy myself are to prevent
a) boredom
b) eating
c) depression
Now in my case, a) is the most important reason. Why ? Because in my case, a) leads to b), which leads to c) and back to b). Some times even a)->c)->b)->c). So in any case, a) is my enemy.

I'm in the process of knitting arm warmers. No, not short hand warmers, long arm warmers.
After 4 different tries with different styles, effects and colors, I settled with black and bright violet yarn and am just doing a simple wire effect.
I finished the first one, I just need to start the second.
Olivier asked me to make him socks which surprised me because he's always refused my offerings to knit him something. Hmm..
A friend of mine told me I could knit her socks, I'm hoping to go yarn shopping once I get the green light for leaving the apartment when I want to.
Having to stay at home is such a bore..........

Now I've been wanting to learn Japanese for quite some time now.
I'm a fairly active reader of manga and what I've learned about the Japanese culture and language via manga, anime and googling, has made an impact on me.
I have the Rosetta Stone program, I have a book for learning (got that one in Finland like 6 years ago) but nothing has motivated me to start it.
Expect now.
I want to go to Japan.
I neeeed to go to Japan to experience it for myself.
And I've started an advanced Japanese language course here in my little town and I'm waaaaay behind everyone, so I really need to study by myself.
I've always been able to learn languages fairly easily, I guess that's one good thing going for me.

Drawing.
Who am I kidding, I haven't drawn ANYTHING.
I should draw but I have nothing to draw. Draw draw draw...
I did draw patterns for my yarn art, does that count ?

Oh. And to help me skip a) to get directly to c), I do not have permission to go to Finland during my sick leave.
I've been trying to conjure up a plan since 1½ weeks to go there anyway but there's my conscience and the fear of home call check ups to ruin everything.. oh well... This is me buying stuff on the net to compensate the void it has created.. eheh..
I've been a biiiiig iHerb buyer.
So many things I want to buy !

I bought Astaxanthin and probiotics a month ago, have been using them since.
The former one is supposed to be a powerful anti-oxydant, but what really interests me are the studies showing that when using it, your skin is highly protected against UV-rays and does not BURN !
I mean, I'm not a sun worshiper, that's for sure, but since I AM going to Sri Lanka for one month in February, I need all the help I can get ! Forgetting the use of sunscreen that is.
Sun BLOCK is a better word for it, because it blocks the produce of Vitamin D - which for me is the only reason to expose your skin to the sun.
15 mins is enough people ! No need to crisp up your skin !
Gah.

Oh and I just ordered Vitamin D's too. One bottle I'll be giving to my mom, I hope she'll take 'em.
Can't do you harm. Or me, especially. I avoid the sun and tend to be dead weight now that winter is coming.
There're actually been extensive studies to support the claim that Vitamin D is VERY important for us and that we really aren't producing it sufficiently around the year. Let's crank up the volume then shall we?
It will hopefully boost up my energy and help me avoid getting sick !

***

Sooo.... Olivier and I finally got pacsed. :)
Yesterday, 11 a.m. No need to run after papers anymore.
It's done. Over. AH. No one bugging us about it anymore. Peace !
...now everyone just wants to know when we are getting married.
AAAARGH.

And I know that I already mentioned my ring more than 6 months ago, and that normally there IS NO ring for the PACS, I will still use it proudly ! :)

Here's a picture of it :

Me and my butterfingers :)

Broken bones and DVDs

I came back home yesterday.
Even if at the clinic all I did was sleep between swallowing pills and eating pretty decent hospital food, it's really nice to be home.
Olivier's been really sweet, he went shopping for groceries for me yesterday, he made my bed on the sofa and prepared my breakfast. And he's vacuum cleaning as we speak. So why is he doing everything for ME?
Because I can't really move much, he won't be here for 10 days and I need food to survive. And a clean house is pretty great, especially when you're forced to stay indoors all the time.
I did clean the house last Sunday before leaving for the clinic. So Olivier only had a few things to take care of.
I wish that next week I'll be able to do something else than just lie down and get up just to go to the toilet or get me something to eat.
I might consider taking a shower from time to time.

I mean, I will need the help of a home nurse 2 times /week....
But just to change the bandages. Otherwise I can manage.

The stay at the clinic was pretty pleasant.
Sunday evening before going to sleep pretty early in the room for 2 people where only I slept for the whole duration of my stay, I had to take an antiseptic shower using the "shower gel" they gave me.
A nurse came to wake me up (even if I hadn't really managed to sleep well during the night) at 5:30 so that I could take another antiseptic shower just before the operation.
2 hours later I was wheeled into a waiting room with other patients and given the anesthetic to put my right leg to sleep.

I guess that by the time they wheeled my into the operating room I was so tired that I just barely managed to stay awake. I just remember lying there, listening to them talking and explaining what they were doing, with a small smile on my lips.
When he started using his electric saw("it slices, it dices, it makes French fries and three different..!" - ahem), the sound it made was pretty impressive. I did feel the impact of it on my foot, but not the pain.
I think it must've lasted for like 1½hrs, before they wheeled me back out to the same waiting room and plugged me into this machine that calculated my oxygen level, my blood tension and my pulse.
If ever any of those 3 went below the average, the machine started to beep.
It kept beeping all the time.
A heart rate below 45 is considered as below average and mine beats at ~43 /per minute.
So they had to reprogram the machine to lower the "danger" level but even still it beeped from time to time.
3 different nurses came to see what the beeping was all about and every single one asked me the same question : "You must be pretty sportive huh ?"
-Um, not especially, no...
"Well you have the heart for it"
- k.. *snore*

There was a quick x-raying before being wheeled back to my room.
They forbade me to move from my bed for the remaining of the day. I avoided drinking too much water, but still, a chamber pot was needed........... so embarrassing...

During my stay after that I just slept, played with my HTC and read books. And slept some more.
I never really suffered. I felt that my leg started to wake up, the muscles trembled and hundreds of nails kept pricking my skin. But no pain.

I saw the beauty of my leg Tuesday morning when a nurse came to change the bandage.
I have to admit that I was pretty surprised by the size of the opening. One image came to mind :

It'll make one mighty scar.

I got to see the X-rays yesterday. The had sawed 2 of my bones and fixed them back into place with nails.
I wonder if I'll beep when passing through airport security.

So, that done,
I have 2 months before me.
2 months of REST.
I hope I won't get too bored.

A client of mine sent me a box full of DVDs !
I mean... that's just so sweet.... she doesn't want me to fall into boredom so she sent me multiple seasons of different series and a few films. I was really touched.
I mean, she had asked me for my address, but.. I never imagined that she'd really do it.
I mean, she could forget.
...but she didn't...
I wonder how to repay her.. hmhmhmh..

Oh and I decided to invite the girls over for a visit !
And I already know what to offer them :
A cupcake fondue ! :D
Imagine this, mini plain or choco muffins, melted choco, melted white choco, liquid caramel, different sprinkles, slices of fruit, berries..
It'll be great ! :D

Muahahahahahahaaa !

Oh and I bought my tickets to go to Sri Lanka !! :D
ça y est, it's official! I'm hyped ! :)

I put a photo of my foot in my section "Photos".
If you want to see it, be my guest.
Any damage done to your PC following you throwing up on it is not of my fault.
Cheers.

7 days to go.

Well days I still need to work before my operation, I mean.
I really can't wait. :D
I need to be in pain !! Right NOW!!
(just kidding, I'm not a big fan of pain)

Work is pretty calm now, our clients have left to go on holiday, so our plannings aren't as filled as they could be. It means that time goes by preeeetty slowly....
I try to avoid my boss, it's easier like that. Even though I would need to ask her about my vacation and my futur day offs. But I feel like I should just... let time pass.
The plane tickets will just get more expensive.....

Darn.

So this weekend, very exceptionally, I have my Saturday off.
Youpiiii! It means we get to have a REAL weekend with Oliv. And to celebrate that fact, we are going somewhere close to Compiègne, where we can go biking and tree climbing. :D He booked the room for us so no, I don't know exactly where we are going.
It'll be nice.
Because the following weekend, starting from Friday evening, he'll be with his friends, drinking beer at Lille. And once he comes back on Sunday, I'll already be in the clinic for my next day's operation. Snif!
I bought an external battery for my phone for that btw. I need to be able to play games (old point-and-click ones!) or play sudoku or something with my phone without having to charge it constantly.
I'll take a book too, because apparently I'll be staying there for like 3 days............
Mother have mercy.
And when I finally get to go home, Olivier leaves Thursday to play rugby and he only comes back on Sunday.
And Sunday I'm supposed to subscribe to weekly activities proposed by the town I live in, and I'll be aloooone.....So I'll need to hop to get there. Sucks.
And when Olivier finally comes back in the evening, the following morning he has to leave for one week somewhere in France because of his job.
We are pretty gutted.
.
..
...
..
.
So next week, Wednesday we are going to go eat with friends. Friday I have an appointment with an allergologist to find out what foods I no longer tolerate (seriously, I'm sick of this rash and the stomach aches), a nutritionist (yup, I gotta learn how to eat properly) and I should make an appointment with my doctor to get a health certificate so that I could subscribe to the sportsy activities..

And then. Saturday. Last day.
It'll be so good.............. :D I'll try to see if some girls would like to go have a drink with me to celebrate.

And for the PACS, we are waiting for the final paper that I ordered like 3 weeks ago.
Here's to hoping.

Oh dear.

I'm really neglecting this blog. Sorry Blog.

Finland was great. Too short, but great.
I just want to go back there... I can't wait to have my operation over and done with, I'm so frigging tired of all this shit... Gah.
So many friends I would like to see and touch more often.. a few regrets, a lot of love.

Even now I'm really tired, I can't seem to think of anything to write about.

My boss came back from her vacation and everything is normal. No hostilities, no threats, no nothing. Normal. This does not bode well..... She must have something up her sleeve, she's just waiting for the wrong moment to use it.
I did ask her about February and she agreed to give me the whole month. Olivier can get 2 weeks off so we can have at least that together. So that's cool.
We just need to book our tickets once our vacations have been confirmed.
Can't wait..

PACS is in progress again.
Maybe this time it'll work.

Ready? ... FIGHT !

Whoa, time flies.
So, why the title?
Nope, not fighting with Olivier, everything is ok on that side, and getting better.
Not fighting with my family either.
Not with my friends.
Who then ?

My boss.

My boss wants me to learn a new hair removal treatment, but I do not wish to.
Most of my colleagues already give the treatment to clients, and they complain about it (back pains, migraines, fatigue etc), so it's not something that appeals to me, bizarrely.
So since there are a few girls who are allowed to choose not to learn the treatment, I figured I had that right too. To make it simple, let's call the treatment "zapping".
So last Saturday I spoke with my boss and she told me that I didn't have a choice because everyone has to learn it eventually. I gave her my arguments, saying that I don't want to zap hairs all day long - something that almost every girl having learned to zap does. I wish to concentrate on permanent make-up, lash extensions, facials, waxings etc. But I don't have the choice.
So we spoke in a normal tone, all was good.

Monday I went to see her again, for another matter.
On my pay checks since January, it's written that I'm on a short period contract, which is not true. So I asked for the correct versions and for my demand on changing my off days. She had changed the days so I was happy
So we spoke again about zapping, I again told her my opinions and my fears, and she still said I had no choice.
Later that day, my superior D spoke to me and asked if I was angry because of zapping.
I said no, I wasn't angry at all, just not comfortable with the idea of learning it.
We spoke a bit, I told her everything I had said to the boss and at one point, Sandy, a colleague of mine came to join the conversation. She's one that has the right to not learn it.
So she pointed out that she wouldn't be comfortable learning it due to legal reasons, but D said that it's written in our contracts. I said that sure, but no contract is above the law and that is why we'd have the right to choose.

So still later that evening, my boss beckons me to come speak with her in one of the rooms. She sits down and starts to yell at me (I at that point understand that D had spoken to her), saying that I would be creating problems for her, for our work place and for the team. I was calm the whole time, quietly replying to her accusations and her threats (when I say quietly it's because I have a pharyngitis and have since almost completely lost my voice).
She said she no longer trusts me, that no one except her does any effort for the place. She claims that the fact that my "researches for information will put everyone at risk" and "is we have a control, we know who's fault it is". I never did any real researches, everyone in my team knows what could happen because of zapping. And I know the law that surrounds it.

So she screams at me, saying that next Saturday we'd be having a reunion and that everyone would know what their "efforts" are worth and more precisely, what they are NOT worth. Apparently 2 girls had asked for a raise and when I inquired if learning zapping would change my wages in any ways, I was given a ice cold "are you kidding me?". I must precise that I - apart my boss - am the only person capable of doing permanent make-up. Apparently it counts for naught. Always glad to be appreciated.

So then she makes the most incomprehensible threat I have ever heard.
"You know, it's give and receive! If you refuse to learn zapping, I will no longer let you do permanent make-up!!"
I just kind of looked at her in a "so what would you have me do then, seeing that permanent make-up and zapping bring in the big bucks" buuut I just kind of shrugged and said that she should do as she sees fit.
I also reminded her that if I really didn't like my work or respect her or the company, I would never have come to work when I had broken my toe, then burned my ankle and then hurt my arm. I would've stayed at home like the doctors ordered. But she only takes it for granted.
Oh well.
Her words didn't really do anything to me, I just found her reaction very incorrect, unboss-like and childish.

After work I went for a drink with Kitty (she's resigning, the has 1 month left of work and she as well is battling it out with our boss) and we talked for a bit more than an hour. It was good.

So yesterday I was really in a miserable state, my pharyngitis getting worse.
I had suffered from fever, head aches, joint aches and to top it off for a burning throat, but I still dragged myself to work.
I told D that I would see a doctor that evening and that we'd better call the clients to let them know, but she told me that she needed to get my doctors opinion first. I found that silly because I was seeing the doctor after work and if she wanted to call the clients after that, she'd have to wait till the next morning.... .... yeah, logic. I didn't insist and let it be.

So my boss was pretty frosty with me just saying "Bonjour Laura" in an accusatory tone (believe me, she can do that). I whispered my hellos.
So later that evening, I sent D a message saying that the following day I wouldn't be coming to work.
My boss sent me a text not long after, saying
"The next time you anticipate to not come to work, have the respect towards your clients and the common courtesy to let us know so that we can organize the planning in a correct way. Thank you. Boss"

I just stared at that message. I wanted to answer something like this :
"Hello, thank you for your message, I'm sure rest is all I need. I was thinking is being sick in two weeks, how would Thursday work for you? Oh and I did ask to call my clients, but apparently it was only 2 o'clock so it was too early. It was thought best to wait for after the working hours and after I had seen the doctor. I guess my "I don't think I can work today, I have a fever, and my headaches make it hard to see" was taken as a joke. Oh and I think the doctor is going to let me rest until next weeks Wednesday when I leave to Finland. But you don't mind, like you often say, I seldom do anything at work. Even when fully booked. Have a great evening!"

Instead I wrote this:
"Bonsoir,
I am sorry to answer your msg this late, and I hope am not disturbing!
I apologize for falling ill, it was neither planned nor wanted. I am healing myself in order to regain my health and to offer my clients treatments that are correctly executed. Again, I am sorry.
Bonne soirée.
Laura"

I hope that message showed her that a) I was not afraid of her b) I respect my clients thus not wanting them to be disappointed with the treatments I offer c) I am polite when she is not d) I keep my cool when she does not e) Try me bitch, take me for a fool and you'll regret it.

So yeah.

Today, I receive a text message from my boss :
"We can't seem to reach your clients starting from 15h... and your last client is leaving on holiday and is creating a scandal...what do you propose to do about it....."

Again, I just stared at the message.
I just realized she thinks I'm faking my illness. I admit, I fell it at the worst possible time.
But this is outrageous.
This is harassment.
So I saw my doctor, he wanted to let me rest until Sunday, but I explained my situation and he called my boss a great big bitch. That made me smile. :)

After having pondered about what to say to boss for quite some time, I decided to call my work. D answered and seemed almost nice. I told her what I had (she did hear my voice) and that I could not come to work because I was not faking my sickness.
She told me not to worry and hoped I got well soon.
Click.

Now I'm just waiting for boss to send me other messages.
I'll keep them all and cherish em.
I think I'll record the reunion, so that I won't miss anything.

Oh and I've developed psoriasis.
I'll need to change my eating habits....................
Oi wei...

Lazy

I've let my blog down.. I'm sorry Blog !
I really don't know why, but I just never take the time to update my blog, even if I'd have something to say.
And when finally I do update, I no longer have something to say.
Gah.

So let's see.. Me and Olivier.
It's getting better.
After a final breakdown a few weeks back, after having spoken to my mom, Timo, my sister and finally my dad, I understood I was afraid to get hurt again, thus putting my heart in mode "shields up!".
So no emotions entered and none exited.
My heart froze.

I managed to put down the shields, and am working towards getting back my emotions and feelings for Olivier. Petit à petit my heart is warming up. Maybe it'll be scorching hot after a while, who knows.
Time will tell.

I'll be going to Finland in July for 5 days to see my mom. I really miss her and I kinda feel bad for not being there for her. I know it won't be for long, but it's something.. meh..
I'll give her some lash extensions, she'll like that :)
I wish I could give them to her on a regular basis..

Oh !
I decided to start my diet !
I will follow my cousin's advice and just limit the size of the portions I eat.
It worked for her and should work for me too :)
So I'll keep Blog posted on that.

New phone!

I finally managed to buy my new phone!! It's a HTC One X. It'll take me a while to get used to it tho, especially the small keyboard. Luckily there's an auto-correct. :) I'm even updating my blog using my new toy :D Yay!

Guidance.

We've been having really bizarre weather lately...
It rains for two days straight, then it gets warmer. Then the temperature drops 10 degrees and the following day we have +25.
I no longer know how to dress. The weather should just make up its mind. Honestly.

So you might be wondering where we are at with Olivier.
I have to admit, it's not completely ok yet, but it's getting better.
The thing is, that I did some soul searching and realized that I love him, but only the Past him. The Present him I do not love. This will be difficult to explain, so bear with me.
When we speak on the phone, everything is normal, but once I am in his presence, I don't know how to act.
It's like, in my heart, I only see the Past one and when I am face to face with the Present one, I feel confused, cheated, betrayed, angry that he is not The One.
So I freeze and get easily frustrated with him.

You see, the Past Olivier was all I hoped for. Kind, gentle, attentive, present, holder of my heart and the pillar of my life.
The Present one is frightened, hesitant and indecisive, afraid to talk to me.
There is no more passion, no more heat, not even routine. It's more the life of two roommates.
So why is that ?
One of the qualities I like about myself is that I never exclude my part in the fault.
I try to think and find and look at myself critically to try to resolve the problem.
Indeed, a couple is made of 2 people, and it only works is both are willing.

I was no longer willing.
At one point, I threw in my gloves, sat in a corner and waited for the other one to do everything.
I have to remind you that Olivier is very shy and that I am his first girlfriend. He's only had a few connaissances of a few months, but never something serious.
Hell, when we first started going out, he wouldn't even dare to look at me!
It was being with me, my gentle and sometimes harsh methods, that led him out of his shell to become someone more confident and self-assured. (His words, not mine, tho I do know all this)
So being with someone extremely shy, meant that I had to repeat and repeat and repeat everything a gazillion times. I am a patient lady, but I HATE repeating myself.
It makes me feel that the other didn't care to listen.
Repeat, rewind, repeat, rewind, frustration, repeat, rewind, anger, repeat and so on.

So at one point, I had had enough of his politeness, his hesitations, his lack of spontaneous actions and inability to decide of things, that I took of my gloves and stomped on them.
And seen that every feeling can be read on my face whether I want it to be read or not, he must have sensed the attitude change that made him even more hesitant.
In a couple, I feel that we walk on the same path, holding hands, guiding the other one simultaneously. The path is bright as long as the hands are interlocked. I let go of that hand. The path disappeared.
Now imagine him in the dark, panicking, trying to find me, reaching for me, glimpsing me, but never grasping me because I refuse to help him find me, all the while making him feel guilty and unwanted.

I feel like a fucking sadist bitch.

Of course he would no longer dare talk to me ! How can I expect him to be natural with me when all I let him see is the contempt in my eyes? He is nothing but supportive and caring. When did I turn into this monster ?
What happened ?

I got tired and he scared of trying.

Like I said, we both need to go the distance and change. It will be a while before my emotions will heal and I will start to love him like before and even more.
Our hands have now found each other and the path is clear.

Spring

It's been a while again.

Not a lot has happened, but it's marked me nonetheless.
I finally had enough of Olivier's hesitations considering our relationship and I confronted him about it.
He promised to change as I did to be patient with him. Let's see if the 50th time is the charm....

I mean, he doesn't DARE talk to me about anything.
He didn't get me anything for our 3-year anniversary because he - and I quote - "didn't have the guts".
What ?
Am I that bad of a monster that my boyfriend, who is supposed to hold my heart, be himself, relax around me, find his haven in me, now finds himself short of a pair of balls ?!
Apparently he dares not tell me when things aren't to his liking or if he wants to do something because he is afraid of making a mistake and thus hurting my feelings ?! WTF.
I asked if it hurt his feelings when I sometimes tell him very honestly what I think about something. No, because at least he'll know about it. Does it hurt him if I pay attention to him but fail to for ex. buy his favorite dessert as a surprise ? No, because it's the intention that counts.
Well why can't he do the same thing with me ?
Does he not trust me enough to stay by his side even after a huge fight consisting of wicked tongue slashing ?

That really hurt.
Not as much as him revealing that sometimes he wants to do something nice for me, but then doesn't because he's afraid it won't matter. Instead of trying, he leaves me wondering why I only got a 10€ sweater for our anniversary, no card, no flowers, no gift wrapping.
Did I go overboard when I gave him gifts thinking it wasn't enough and surprised him with a bubble bath and a cake? I kinda felt stupid.
I love doing things for him, and I don't expect flowers everyday, diamonds, luxury hotels, it's just that.. sometimes I like to be reminded that he put some effort in showing me how special I am to him.. Maybe I ask too much, I don't know.
But I do know that you can't be happy in a relationship if talking to the other party is complicated. He can't be happy thus I can't be happy.
I can only be miserable knowing that my boyfriend FEARS ME.

Well.
After our talk, all we have to do is see if there is change.
I urged him to take the initiative when he feels like it, to shove it down my throat when it's necessary and BE HIMSELF.
Gah.

He seems to be better since our little talk. More relaxed around me, which is good and much appreciated. :) I just want him to be happy. Preferably with me.

Spring is starting to show itself.
We've had a few warmer days, where the evening air was still fresh, as in pure, and inviting.
Today there're clouds covering the sky, no sun to be seen and a slight breeze. It's a national holiday so I'm just using it to rest, be lazy and do nothing. :)
Well, I did do a gift for one of my clients. She lost her cat Cookie a while back so I decided that finally, today, I was to sculpt a kitty figurine for her, using my polymer clays.
She sent me pictures of Cookie so I know what she looked like. I made her lie down, holding a jar of milk and a plate of cookies :D Yes, corny, I know. I just can't help myself.
Will put up pictures afterwards. Or you can just check it out on my DeviantArt page.

I have 5 days off in July. I have yet to decide what to do... hmmmmm...

Apparently Father and Brother are in frosty terms... they fought, didn't quite understand why, but hopefully neither got hurt. Dad doesn't need much to blow up and bro isn't exactly the shy one either.
*sigh*
It just makes me feel all queasy.. :/

Oh!

I discovered a wonderful delight called mochi ! I discovered them in a Japanese restaurant. I had seen them in the Asian supermarket I sometimes go to, but I always decided to try them another time. So, at the restaurant, I finally got the opportunity to taste them and gaaaaaawd are they good !
It's basically a sweet rice flour bun filled with ankô, a sweet red bean paste. The texture resembles that of Flubber, so you got to be careful not to take too much into your mouth at a time. There're even deaths by suffocating in Japon, provoked by these lovely treats :D
You can also stuff them with whatever you want, and use food colorings to bring some bright happiness to them :D
I tried making them last week. The taste was ok (didn't use as much sugar as suggested) but I guess I didn't precook the flour long enough. They didn't hold their round shape well enough.
Making anko was easy. I didn't use the azuki beans traditionally used, I used plain red beans.
I find the result pleasing. I made a whole butt load of it too ! :D Put it in the freezer for later use.
I need to try to make them today again :D
Miam miam.
Even Olivier likes them, which is pretty rare.

Oh well, back to work !

Forgotten

Oh dear.

I realized that I had forgotten to tell you about what happened at work after our skiing trip in March.

As I said in the post, I had hurt my arm.

I still went to work, feeling staying at home would be silly since I could still do some treatments.

So I had phoned them during our skiing trip to ask them not to put any "active" treatments on my planning. That meant :

No massages of any kind

No CM6

No oriental waxing (normal waxing was ok if it wasn't done using strips)

See, not very hard.

What I could do was :

Permanent make-up

Lash extensions

Facials

Waxing

Eyelash&eyebrow treatments

Body Excel

Hand&foot treatments

I made sure all the girls knew it so that we wouldn't be forced to change cancel the wrong treatments put in my planning. I even wrote in on my planning on each day so that they'd remember, and I even added a smiley face :)

So after a few days of work, my arm started to hurt.

I then decided that it'd be better to write the same thing on my planning for the following week, since my arm was not feeling any better.

As I started to write my little note, my superiors, Domi, noticed what I was doing and said to me : "If you continue writing like that on your planning, the boss will not like it."

I looked at her pretty perplexed and said "what? Why not? Would she prefer I hurt my arm more?" She just shrugged and told me that she'd warned me.

I started to fume.

I called Oliv during lunch break and he advised me on the words I should use when talking to my boss. Poor guy, he has to help me with everything...

So when the boss was working at the reception and I had 2 minutes to spare, I went to see her.

-Um, I was led to believe that the fact that I can't do every treatment could be disturbing ?

"Well, yes, because you come to work and you are paid to do nothing."

-*WTF* Um, I do not understand why you would say that, because if you look at Monday *I start flipping the pages of the planning* my planning was complete, Tuesday my planning was complete, yesterday same, today I have 30mins to spare and Saturday I'm completely booked. I know I can't do everything, but I am still capable of doing the treatments of the highest worth (lashes, make up). And next week, Monday I have no more room to spare, Tuesday I'm almost completely packed unlike a few other girls that can do all the different treatments, Wednesday is pretty much open, but HEY, if you insist I'm better off at home than working, I'll take next week off since I am going to see the doctor tomorrow.

*Boss looks at my planning, flipping the pages*

"No, I would prefer it if you'd come to work."

-*WELL THEN STFU* Yes.

"And you're seeing the doctor?"

-Yup, my arm's started to hurt, that's why I wanted to avoid having to do certain treatments.

"*looks at the following week* We could put this client on someone else so that you won't stress your arm. *starts to scribble on the planning*"

-Sure, much obliged. Gotta go work now.

I was so angry before, but it felt good to show her how I really felt and that I don't just "do nothing" even if I am hurt. I mean, I have a hurting arm and I come to work to earn you money and for you it's BAD BUSINESS ?!

Or my superior who found the planning so difficult to organize with one person to take in consideration. WTF.

Oh well. I went to see the Dr who told me I had a double contusion on the arm (elbow, wrist) and I was to wear a wrist support (which a colleague of mine lent me). He wanted to put me on sick leave for a week but I refused.

When my superior found out, she asked me "Well why didn't you?"

-It would've been a bit of a shame, no, had I not come to work, planning packed as it is?

"Well sure."

-*blank stare of then-why-did-you-even-ask"

Gah.

The arm is completely healed now. Everything is allllll good.

Well except that I still need to go talk with my boss about changing the date for my operation....

She's on vacation.

Figures.

Recap.

I have calmed down.

Barely.

So, I may need to explain this all in detail.

I decided last year that I'd get an operation done on my right leg.

It has what they call a hallux valgus, which is mainly a deformation in the bone of the big toe which makes it make a move on the toe next to it. I bad cases the big toe is completely hidden under the toe next to it. Sly sucker.

So mine isn't a big deal, it just hurts when

I walk long distances

I wear tighter girly shoes

I wear heels

or in the worst case when I combine all of the above.

So basically all I can wear are sneakers and flipflops (which I avoid since I find my feet to be ugly). And men's sneakers, since I'm a size 42.

aka FML.

So.

I spoke to my boss about the operation already last year. I asked her if it was alright and I let her CHOOSE the right period for me to do it, so that it would not hurt our beauty salon's gains. How considerate of me.

AND to be even more of a douche, I'm not taking any vacation before my operation to compensate for my 2 month absence (my brilliant idea).

I saw the doctor, he gave me the details, which I gave to my boss, who thought about it and said either the beginning of the year or as I had already suspected, September.

The beginning of the year did not go well with my already made plans of skiing in March so we decided on September.

I booked the date with the surgeon and later with the anesthesiologist. It means that everyone knows since the beginning of the year that I will be absent from work September-October.

So yesterday, I was asked if I HAD to get my operation done in September.

HAD to.

I was a bit perplexed by the question and was revealed by my boss that 3 girls have decided to have (not ask, HAVE) their vacations in September.

One that makes me mad, just bought her non-reimbursable, non-exchangeable tickets without asking for her vacation first.

The second one HAS to have her vacation then because her bf, who btw owns 2 restaurants and is his OWN boss, is taking his vacation in September.

Not only does she demand to have her vacation, she also lives with her bf, in his through-work-gotten-apartment 2 MINUTES from where SHE lives and 1 min from where HE works and they have the same days off.

So it's not like they don't see each other.

The third was primarily employed to do office work, but she now only does what the others do, except that she doesn't do electrolysis, permanent make-up, LPC OR eyelash extensions. She does what any other "plain" beautician does.

And she's paid 2-3€/h more than the rest of us.

So she demands to have her vacation in September because otherwise it's not possible and she threatens to leave if she doesn't get what she wants.

So my boss is faced with sneaks who blackmail and threaten her.

What does she do ?

She asks ME to change my operation date.

WTF.

Seriously ? That really shows how LITTLE she appreciates me and how she is more afraid of losing the others (2 of which do neither electorlysis, permanent make-up or lash extensions) and not losing me, who does everything the others do EXCEPT electrolysis, speaks 3 languages (I sometimes teach the girls how to write their OWN F-ING language) and puts her job before her health (broken bone, 2nd degree burn, arm contusion) and agrees to do anything asked of her without a thank you, please, compensation.

The only thing I get when coming to work while hurt is "it's so difficult to organize the planning when you work even when you are hurt". So you'd rather I stay home and NOT bring money to you bitches ?! You DARE say it's difficult when I'm making efforts for YOU ?! When it's difficult for me to WALK ?! To use my left hand ?!

FUCK YOU.

Oh dear, I think I lost my calm.

So anyways, I spoke to my sister, my mom and my step-dad and they all said that I need to go talk to my boss and tell her how I feel.

I can't always be the one who is asked to do everything and EXPECTED to act with a big smile.

Why should I bend to the will of others, why always me ?

Sure, sometimes I agree because it doesn't bother me, but to always give and never get ANYTHING in return ? I was even refused 1 (one) Saturday I wanted to get to attend a friend's wedding. I asked for it a few months ago.

Denied.

Gee, thanks.

I'll remember you when I look for a new job, I'll remember what not agree to.

And I'll laugh when you lose money.

(this is just me dreaming, but it would be so good to be able to be the one laughing at the end)

I just hope that one day she'll understand what I am worth and start treating me like the one who she'll never risk losing.

Easter

Wah !

I created !
I made a cow out of polymer clay for a colleague of mine. It turned out pretty great, I was just sad to give it away since she's not someone I appreciate that much. So yeah.
But it gave me an excuse to create so I'm not complaining that much.

I ordered a whole bunch of different colors in Fimo and Sculpey ! I found them really cheap on eBay, someone who sold her "collection" for a bargain. I was lucky enough to have found her offer, it saved me 150€ ! Insane.

To celebrate Easter, we went to Bruges with Olivier. We took the car Saturday, drove 3h, spent 2 nights at an ok hotel and drove back on Easter Monday.
I ate like a pig :D And we bought lots of chocolates ! Hihihihihhihiiii !
The weather was ok, grey, a bit windy and wet, but overall it was enjoyable. The museums weren't worth the entrance fees, but the beer was ok.

Yesterday I experimented with the few polymer clays I already have, and I made 3 charms for my bracelet with them.
Cakes are really hard to make, whoa. I hope I won't lose patience with making them amongst other stuff. I have so many ideas, but I also have to ask myself this :

"Once I've made them, what do I do with them?"

Good question.

So, my operation is supposed to be in September.

All that might still change ! I was asked today to change the date from September to October.

Why, you ask ? Because 3 other girls want their vacations in September.

One apparently already booked and paid for her vacation without asking permission first.

Another demands to get her vacation then, otherwise she'll just fake a sickness and not come work.

A third is pretty much like the second 'xcept that she threatens to leave.

So since everyone else refuses to bend, it's up to ME to do that for the others.

Compensation ? Wait, what ? For being nice ? I'm sorry, you must be living in Laalaaland, since you should just be happy to get paid at the end of the month.

I reeeeaaally want to say no.

Really I do.

I'm too angry now, this situation sucks.

Crafting

I've been bit by the crafters' bug.
I spent the whole day today looking at tutorials for polymer clay patterns and designs, and trying to understand the coded language of knitting design tutorials.
The day before I spent searching for headbands to buy (didn't buy any because found most of them ridiculously expensive for what they were).
And there're 50 sheets of shrinky dinks collecting dust on my "artsy shelf".

My head is so full of ideas and my hands are itching. I need to channel this energy !!

I want to knit.
I want to mold.
I want to make something with Shrinky Dinks.
I want headbands.
.
.
.
.
I shall combine all of that.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

And I want it to be something with...
NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

I was thinking of making a headband with a knitted (?) Oogie Boogie and Lock, Shock and Barrel Shrinky Dink charms !Yaaaay!
I already finished my Shrinky Dinks ! CHECK
I was so happy with how they turned out.
I was a bit scared to put them in the oven since I had spent a fair amount of time on them. But fortunately the sheets are of good quality and they turned out fantastic !
I loved watching them do their magic in the heat. I even called Olivier to come see the transformation !
There we were, both of us, sitting on the floor of our kitchen, staring at our oven, going "I'm scared", "that don't look too good..", "ooh" "aah" "sweeeeet...". :D
Aah fun times.

So next step, Oogie !
I have no green wool. DAMNIT

I have no plain headband to decorate. FAIL.
I need to go buy stuff and get back to this project....

Fudge.

I want to buy polymer clay.
But I don't know the color or quantity to choose.
Oh the choices of life...

I'd like to make a candy themed headpiece..
And with flowers.
And something with wings...
HMMMM.

And I'd like to make fairy sculptures with polymer clay and their wings with Shrinky Dinks....GAAA.

Old post

So this is what I was writing about 2 weeks ago:

So it's Monday again.

I still have 4 work days left before our skiing vacation starts !

We are to leave on Saturday in the car of Olivier's friends who are a couple.

We still need to reserve skiing and snowboarding equipment for me, but otherwise it's pretty much organized. We'll go grocery shopping Saturday, we'll need to buy lots because at one point we're going to be 10 in total, and most of us are staying from Saturday till Sunday. We mustn't forget drinks either :D

Last week was pretty calm.

Work is ok, as always.

Thursday I went jogging and shopping with AK, Friday I didn't do anything. Sunday I dragged Mat out of his bed (I had to walk to his flat first) to go running with me. He was a bit hung over but I have no heart ;)

At the end he was content to have done something of his Sunday.

Oh, I dyed my hair ! It's a deep red now, less natural than before but I like it !

Olivier finds it a bit too red but I don't care :D My hair, my color.

The girls seem to compliment me on it. Hehee.

Mum left for Sri Lanka, and I've been talking with her and Timo via Skype. After all these years of asking her to get Skype, she needs to go to Sri Lanka to get it... Figures.

I'm sure she's not getting it for Finland. She claims she doesn't know how to use it. You press a button, it's not that complicated :D

Oh ! I went to get my ring Friday, I forgot to tell you :)

I was so happy to finally get it, after 5 weeks of waiting..

...only to find out that it was still too big...........

Boy was I gutted.

So I showed it to Oliv' the following evening and he promised we'd go sort it out Saturday.

So there we went and asked them to make it the right size. They wanted to charge us for it, but once Olivier had raised his voice they were like "fine" and agreed to do it.

So now we have to wait another 5 weeks.

Oh and one of the addresses we were given by the tribunal in order to acquire a paper proving I'm not an outlaw proved to be fake. So Oliv had to ring the tribunal and tell them what had happened. They gave a sliiiightly different one with sliiiiightly different instructions.... What a bunch of douches.

And this is what happened during the ski :

Last week was pretty fun. I have to admit I was pretty nervous about spending a whole week with people I don't really know, apart JD and Cat.

My fears proved to be for naught and we had a lovely time.

We left with Mato and Pepet and arrived Saturday pretty late after having made a stop at the supermarket and bought all that we needed for the week.

At the flat, JD, Cat, ChaCha, Brousouf, Xav and Margo were waiting for us.

We installed all our stuff (we had the "royal suite"=parents' bedroom) and ate a late dinner while discussing stuff and getting to know each other.

At first, I was pretty intimidated by the other girls but after a few days I was more relaxed.

So, Sunday. I used Olivier's sister-in-law's skis, his dad's poles and rented boots from Intersport.

It was a disaster.

The last time I had skied, it was like 10 years ago. And the steepness of the slopes was too much for me. I struggled to keep up with the others who ski or surf regularly, but in vain.

I tried to go faster than I should, and after a few hours, I had already fallen two times because I couldn't brake and twice 2 different people had crashed into me - and that was when I wasn't moving and they came in from the behind ! The last crash really hurt, I was standing with Mato, feeling pretty down because of the failed skiing when a surfer crashed into me in full speed, yelling "ATTENTIOOOOOON!!!!".

And it was NOT my fault. He couldn't control his speed, he blamed first me, then the snow and finally the way the skiing station was shaped. Mato just yelled at him while I was down and gasping for breath, tears of frustration and hurt filling my ski mask.

I drew a line right there and then, left the others to their pleasure, descended in the oeufs, returned the boots and rented the snowboarding equipment.

Monday we started snowboarding.

Or as I like to call it : trying not to fall.

Olivier chose the "easiest" of pistes, but for one who just starts surfing, everything seems steep.

We started with my right foot in front.

I kept falling on my ass. :D

We did a lot of "dead leaf" exercises. It means that my snow was perpendical to the slope and I tried to descend like that, finding my balance and getting used to the sensation.

We descended the piste twice the first day. And I fell down constantly. This video shows me doing some dead leaves before managing to turn. Not bad for a first day ! :D

Tuesday I was very enthusiastic to jump on my snow to get better and better.

We tried a new approach : left foot first, and that was what made all the difference. I even managed to turn a few times !

I fell down on my left arm one time too many, and had to stop for the day. I went to see the doctor who after x-raying my arm determined my arm had just suffered the shock of too many falls and needed to rest.

I got painkillers and a gel to apply 3 times a day.

So Wednesday I did nothing. I did go eat with the others at noon and went to see the shops of the small town of Contamines. I found a lovely scarf that Oliv bought for me, to congratulate me on my progress :)

Thursday, my arm still ached, but I still wanted to surf.

I finally managed to master turning on both sides and started to surf a bit faster, I gained in confidence. I really liked it. We even changed the piste to try something else.

And for the last descent we showed everyone my progress. I managed to fall down a few times, but otherwise everyone was pretty impressed by my fast learning. I gave all credit to my chéri :)

We went out that day, got drunk, spoke to a few Englishmen and had fun :)

Here's me gaining in confidence, and Olivier had this Tarantino thing for my ass (don't know why), he needed to film it. Sorry about that.

Here's another, less ass-y.

Friday, Olivier wanted to go with the others and try another piste.

He told me it was going to be easy and no steep hills were in sight.

He lied.

The first hill was insanely steep for me. What also stressed me was that the others were waiting for us.

I felt furious with him and a blockade installed. I was scared of descending, but wanted to try, forced myself to descend the piste even if I was terrified and enraged.

I just fell down all the time. I lost all confidence in myself.

We left to surf the piste, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't even stay on my snow. I had lost all my balance. So at one point, I just took off my snow and started to walk towards the oeufs which were far away. Oliv didn't understand anything and started to get upset with me and once I had reached side of the hardest piste there, I had a panic attack.

Breathing problems, trembling, tears, all that jazz.

Took me a while to calm down.

I just needed to get out of the pistes and get home.

So I just speeded home and stayed in my corner the whole evening. Didn't even want to eat with the others.

During the evening we started drinking and playing "I've never" game.

It was really funny. Cat was really awkward, she didn't want to know about JDs past.

I was pretty intrigued by that.

Saturday I asked her about it, because Olivier know everything about me, and I know everything about him. She just said that sometimes the past can hurt the relationship and so she preferred to not know anything about him before they met.

I just find that.. hmm.. sad.

So Saturday I tried to surf. I had a lot of trouble with confidence and I felt I was just regressing in my surfing.

So I sat down on the snow and let everything out. My frustration, my anger at him, EVERYTHING. We sat together for an hour, and everything got better. My blockade vanished and I managed to surf again.

It was good :)

We didn't do anything special for our last evening, just drank a little.

The next day we took the train early.

We got home at 2, I slept for 3 hrs and ate. All was good.

Late.

Ok so I'm pretty late - AGAIN - with my blog updates.

Lessee..

Last weekend was crap.

The morning started out nicely, chatted and laughed with a few of my colleagues, spoke about our salary with another and then we all disappeared to our booths with our clients.

So during lunch hour, I was in my booth, thinking of taking a nap, when I heard singing.

Happy birthday singing.

I was pretty amazad because well, I didn't remember anyone telling us about her birthday and we never sing for our clients, we're not a restaurant...

So curious, I emerge from my booth, only to find cakes and a gift placed in another booth and the girls congratulating our boss.

I was like, what's all this.

Oh; Laura ! Cue awkward silence.

The girls had prepared a surprise celebration for our boss and they forgot all about me. They forgot to tell me about their plan and they forgot to come find me.

I was hurt, very much so.

I couldn't stay eat cake with them, my emotions got the best of me.

I just returned to my booth to try to nap, with wild thoughts raxing through my brain.

Did they do it on purpose? I don't think so.

But they did forget me. But it's true that we seldom see each other once work starts.

But why didn't any of the girls I spoke to earlier mention this? Because they don't care?

No, I mustn't think like this. But they did completely forget you.

And by then; Aud had come to see me, explaining that it was not voluntary, it was an honest mistake, it could've happened to any of us. They had to work quick to keep it a surprise from our boss and since I had been off on Friday they hadn't thought of sending a text msg to everyone..

So an honest mistake.

Knowing that if they were all embarassed, just AL quickly gave her apologies and Aud just felt sorry.

Otherwise no one came to see me and everyone ignored me for the rest of the evening, which made me feel even crappier.

Then FaceBook happened.

It made things so much worse. God I hate communicating when there is no voice.

So I pretty much spent my weekend crying.

Well most of it.

Sunday I was called by AK and then by AL. I told them about my past, about my fears and how being forgotten really hit deep into a sensitive nerve.

I guess they understood.

After that Olivier forced me to go out to see AK and CL. I really didn't want to do it, but it really did me tons of good.

We ate at an "American diner" Happy Days near Chatelet. It wasn't very good.

Oh well. At least the company was :)

Then we went to see La vérite si je mens 3 which I knew I wouldn't like. But I did it for the girls. Yesh...

I decided to try to keep track of the books I read, so yeah, here you go:

I finished Volume twelve of The Wheel of Time - The Gathering Storm. I was pretty skeptical at first, because it's partly written by Brandon Sanderson, and the start was pretty different than what I was used to, the writing differed. But after a few chapters, I was hooked. When I finally put it down, I was craving for more. I need to order the thirteenth volume !! :D

And I also read a few of the books a client of mine Chanty had borrowed me.

Mostly detective stories, and only in English.

I started reading The Constant Gardener by Le Carré but I just couldn't finish it.. it was boooriiiing and not well written. Apparently the film is no better... Bleh.

I wish it were written better because the story seems very interesting.

Now I'm reading Leopard by Bo Nesbø. Now this is the way a detective book should be written! It made me think of Stieg Larsson's Millenium series, but they're not comparable. Millenium was .. there are no words to describe the awesomeness of the trilogy that unfortunately never got the chance to be continued.

I saw the American remake of the first installment of Millenium. Iiiitt....was ok. But no. Read the book dudes.

Here we go again..

I have a serious case of overeating again..

And the only things I eat are candy and cereal.. it's so sad. Been doing that since Monday.

I do not know why. I always feel so bad afterwards... I mean, I eat the whole day.

I never get the feeling of being full. Never.

So I eat and eat and eat.

It's a sign of depression, but I don't know what to do. It's stronger than me. It just.. takes over and I eat happily. I don't stuff it down my throat, I eat at a normal speed, but I still eat A LOT.

It's unnerving.

I want Olivier to come back .. I know it sounds weird, but it feels like when he's not here, I can "secretly" eat anything I want without having to feel guilt.

But I do feel guilt afterwards, a lot of it. I'll feel guilty because I've failed myself and because he'll be worried for me and most probably forcing me to eat "normal food" every day.

See sometimes I don't eat during the whole day.

Funny thing about never feeling full, I never feel hunger either. If I skip a day, I don't do it forcefully, I just don't feel like eating.

So when I eat and eat and eat, it's not because I'm hungry, it's because I can.

This is so fucked up..

I don't know what to do.

see more Failbook

Pfff..........

Well.

Still no ring. Olivier is growing impatient. :)

I had an ex of mine trying to woo me with his "pity me" techniques. They don't work, but hey, he used to be a nice guy before he turned out to be a total douche, so I talk to him.

Sometimes his talks about how he liked my ass or my skin bother me, but I just make fun of him to compensate.

It's only fair.

So I'm getting a raise. Just not what I asked for. I get a shitty raise, but hey, it's still better than no raise at all... my boss's arguments were just a bit too shabby to be believable, but oh well.............

Trop bon, trop con.

I have no idea what else to write.. I was fuming just a few hours ago because of my salary, but I'm kinda over it.. now I'm just plain tired... I'd need to show some drawings to people but no one is online... blaah............

So the okonomiyaki was deceiving and there is no ring.

We tried looking for one, but it's really hard finding one. Oliv doesn't want to risk buying something I won't wear and I don't want to wear something I don't like.

Every one I find lovely behind the glass transforms into something else once on my finger..

Oh. Why the ring ?

We are getting PACSed ! It's a civil union, not quite like a marriage but more than an engagement.

Needs paperwork and all.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_solidarity_pact

Mom was more than thrilled :D

We've only told our parents and family, just a very few friends. Nothing to hide, but nothing to declare either.

And I don't need a ring. But he wants to get me one. Hoh.

I think we'll end up with Take away :D

So okonomiyaki was very deceiving. First of all it was a veeeeery long wait. Then the food didn't come at the same time. And it wasn't very good... well, not at the level of Aki, the other restaurant to make okonomiyakis.

It really was nice once it was over..

I'm super excited, I have a friend coming over for a long weekend !

I'm sooooooo happy !! Haven't seen her for such a long time... AH ! :D

She'll be staying at our place from Friday till Sunday. Sooooo happy :)

Well that's about all there is to tell..

Oh! I got to eavesdrop on a Skype DnD. It was pretty fun :D

So, we meet again.

I am so waaaay behind my blog updating schedule...

GAH.

So first of all, Happy New Year 2012 everybody !

We have like 350 days left until the end of the world. Enjoy.

So We went to spend Christmas in Finland this year, me not having spent it with my family since 2005, I really, really was in need of it.

Last year, it started snowing in late October and they still had snow last April. The temperatures dropped to -25 in Helsinki, more up in the North, so we were pretty excited to experience that together.

Now, picture Finland, the land of Santa Claus, covered in whitest snow, it's dark, just the street lights are on. Nothing moves, except the slowly falling snowflakes.. it's incredibly calm and peaceful..The magical Christmas you see in postcards..

We had zero snow, but rain and a huge storm.

We were supposed to go on a cruise, impossible with the storm.

We were supposed to go see the beauty of snow, impossible without snow.

We were supposed to go on a mini cruise to Tallinn with dad, impossible with the storm.

So we stayed at my mom's and completed sudokus.

Great.

At least I got to be with my family and eat good food :D Too much of it actually. Mom kept feeding us alllll the time. You'd think she saw us as hungry African children.

I don't know how many kilos I managed to harvest in that week, but I think I did a good job of it. The chocos disappeared very easily.....

Since we were dying to do something other than sudokus, I decided that we needed to go on that mini Tallinn cruise, with or without daddy. So we took to boat at 9.30pm, slept not very comfortably and arrived in Tallinn at 7am the following day. It was raining, windy and of course nothing is open at 7am. At least, nothing we knew of.

And New Year's I wasn't feeling very well so I spend it alone, watching a funny French sketch show :) I really didn't mind. Olivier spend it with his friends and I was happy he did.

Work has been ok. I've talked with my boss about my foot operation and September it is.

The wind is blowing pretty intensely here, another storm, yay.

For my birthday, we are going to go eat okonomiyakis with friends. They are sooooo gooood...

And Olivier wants to take me out tomorrow. hoho.

And he wants to go shopping for a birthday gift.

A ring.

To be continued.... :D