Pizza Sunday

Ah, a week (more) has passed since my last post.

Center Parc was quite nice, it was just a weee bit disappointing. There were quite a few water slides that were closed, and the only open ones were of the lowest thrill.

It took us 2 hours before we'd had enough.

We had our picnic in the car after which I fell asleep. :D

We also did this Tree Adventure thing that could've been nice if not for this one lady in the previous group that took 15 mins to get through one course when others did it in 2 mins.

Gah.

At work all is good, nothing to report really. Other that I have my vacation dates for August and Christmas !! August is for the Tour du Mont Blanc and Christmas is for Finland :)

It's also been busier so the days go by faster. And the sun has come out of hiding. :)

I did my 4th session of GMP Friday ! It was almost unbearable ! The temperature rose up to 56^C and I was sweating out of my skin. I left a pool of myself behind...

I pity the person who had her appointment right after me..

We went to the Salon des randonnées to find information on the Tour du Mont Blanc. We find some and then went on to buy 50€ worth of saucisson. Miam miam :D

Before the saucisson we are weak indeed..

My moods have been swingy lately and I don't like it. :/ I'm also a bit late and it's starting to eat at me. But it's not really so bad, I just hope that I get an appointment with my gynecologist for the IUD. We did some test and they all came out perfect so normally I just need to ring her for a "quickie" ;) and she'll gear me up.

I can't wait. :)

(for anyone who feels that reading about my visits to the gynecologist or about other intimate matters is "disturbing" or "unwanted", I invite you to quit reading my blog all together and to bugger off!)

Good news.

Nothing much to report.

Except that we're going to CENTER PARC this weekend !!! :DDDD

(I've never been there but I hear it's great!)

So the weekend was pretty quiet, Olivier came back on Friday and played on Sunday.. so..

It's been pretty quiet at work, and I noticed that I started to get depressed again, so I cracked and yelled at Olivier to make him understand that it wasn't ok, that I felt like he hadn't given a damn about me for the last few months, that he had given too much of his time to his work/sport rather than his girlfriend etc.

I cried a bit too because it made me so sad to think that this was it, there was nothing more to us.

I told him to talk to me, to do things with me.

At the end, it seemed to be ok, but still painful.

The next day he sat me down and told me he had been doing some thinking. What he had discovered had sickened him, he had understood that he was giving too much of his strength and efforts for a boss who doesn't do shit himself, and that his sport had taken too much of his time.

He had neglected me and was more than sorry about it. He hoped nothing was yet lost and that we could continue our journey together.

As we were talking, we were also folding the clean laundry.

Just doing something small and stupid made me so happy, just because we were doing it TOGETHER. I told him that and he agreed that it was indeed refreshing.

I then had the greatest idea : AquaBoulevard!

He bested my greatest idea with CenterPark!

(Well I didn't know it existed so it was a 50/50 win)

Since we have Sunday AND Monday free exceptionally, we booked a hotel and are going to Les Bois-Francs.

We decided not to stay IN CenterPark, but to book a hotel that was close by because we didn't want to be confined to one place for 2 nights (+ we save +100€ by doing that).

So yes ! It'll be great. We'll have so much fun, and that's what we really need at the moment :)

Feeling good.

I enjoy days like today.

I got up at around 11am, the sun was shining, the birds were (surely) singing (but their song was replaced by the sound of passing trains) and spring was in the air.

Spring. Spring cleaning.

Oh shite.

I decided to motivate myself and start with the kitchen. Dishes. Sink. Counters. Oven. Vacuum. Mop. Air. Plants. Stove. Trash. Laundry. Oh crap.

After having scrubbed the sink until it shone, I decided to take a break and try calling Peach Up, a body care institut.

I had purchased a coupon on Groupon for 6 sessions of GMP (Gym Métabolique Passive) with access to the sauna for an unlimited time. I decided I deserved some relaxation.

The whole session happens in this machine that bears a close resemblance to a huge egg. You get in, buck naked, and lie there perfectly still while the egg does it's magic: it heats up up to 50 degrees for a duration of 30 mins (the whole thing lasts for 45mins, it takes ~15min to heat up to max), making you sweat like a fat pig before Christmas. Apparently it's supposed to detoxify your body and relax all your muscles thanks to the heat and the ultrasounds the machine produces.

They also claim that you burn 800-1000 calories due to the sweating but I don't really buy that :) I just want to relax my back muscles that have been killing me for the last few weeks.

So I got my appointment for the same day, which surprised me since it was a special offer (79€ instead of 490€) and I was expecting to have a hard time make any appointments before next year. I booked it for 3 o'clock and to try to be a bit active, I decided to walk the distance. I checked on google maps and it was only an hour's walk.

Once I arrived there, 15mins early, I was received by a lady who seemed genuinely nice. I gave her the coupon and asked to book all the remaining 5 appointments since I like to be prepared :)

No problem, the next one is for tomorrow and the following ones are always on my days off. Lovely.

She takes me to this small room that has The Egg, a small shower and a chair. She puts on the timer on the machine, shows me how to open and close, gives me a towel, tells me to undress and to lie down in the machine. Then she leaves me to it.

I am left alone in the small room with little lighting and the timer that's counting down the minutes (46). I quickly undress and slide in The Egg. I close the cover using the buttons inside it and wait. I can stare at the timer and temperature screens every time I open my eyes, but I just decide to close them and see what happens.

I must say, I feel a bit silly, lying there buck nekkid while waiting for something to happen.

While the minutes tick away, I realize that this is the first time I've paid for a body treatment for my own pleasure. I've done one (1) facial once before I started my studies to be a beautician, but never have I paid to get a massage or even a manucurie. Just thinking about it makes me chuckle. I take care of others, not of myself.

So needless to say, I'm quite proud of myself for buying the coupon :D

And then it starts to get a bit warm. I check the temperature : 34,5 degrees.

Good grief I really am not the type to lay on a hot beach for hours on end. I'm used to a sauna but it's not hot enough for it to be relaxing. When the temperature hits 50, I've been swimming in my sweat for 5 mins already.

It's a horrible feeling, sweating. Feeling the sweat drops slide down your skin. I have this horrible urge to swipe it away, but the sweat drops are everywhere ! And there's not much room to move in the machine so I just lay there, trying not to concentrate on the icky feeling. Even my face is starting to sweat, and it's not even in the machine. Gah. I need that shower ! What ?! 25 mins to go ?! Ok, relax, enjoy and feel the muscles in your back loosen up.

Can't feel a thing.

7 minutes to the end, I pass my hand across my rib cage and feel dead skin cells scrubbing off. And it hits me: I can do a body scrub while in the machine ! It'll be useful AND it'll kill time.

And boy do I seem to need one. The skin just peels off. Kinda icky, I know, but I'm really glad to be rid of all that dead weight (haha, get it? Dead and weight ? ...ok.)

I decide to bring a loofa to my next session.

Ca y est! The machine beeps to tell me 46 mins have passed and could I please remove my sweaty ass out of it. I jump to the shower and welcome the cool spray of water on my skin. Ok, too cool, must warm it up.

I quickly rinse off all the dead skin cells and sweat, towel myself dry and get dressed. It feels horrible to put on a sweater 2 minutes after 50 degrees, but outside it's like 2 degrees so I can use all the cover I can find to not fall sick.

I leave the room and return to the front desk. I ask about the unlimited sauna, because due to some problems, the sauna is not available. It saddens me because I would've wanted to relax in one as well, but oh well. I guess I could try to contact Groupon to see if I could get one free session or something because the offer doesn't correspond to what was promised. Dunno. Will see. :) Might not, not my style.

I returned home after that. And ate too many dried prunes. And dates. And am feeling sick. But am still eating dates.

Ok, I stopped now, I ran out of dates.

So I continued my cleaning. Everything is spanking clean now. It's just the bathtub that I didn't have the courage to scrub, might do it tomorrow.

My appetite is returning to me. Well, if it's sweet stuff then it definitively has. Baaad bad. I'll be gaining everything back in no time. Must not buy dates anymore. Most nut. Nut. Mmm, nuts..

So Olivier is coming back home tomorrow evening.

Before he arrives, I have an appointment with Vincent (he cracks me up), The Egg and the eye doctor. And maybe I'll go do a tour at the local Bio Coop shop.. I understand that the best sugar one should use is dehydrated sugar cane juice. Otherwise known as Sucanat, Rapadura or sucre brut.

Olivier has plans to bake muffins, so if we use the better sugar to replace plain white sugar, we don't need to use the same quantity of it and it's supposed to taste better. Note to self : go buy soft salty caramels at Lidl. Miam.

And to end this post, I stole this query from a blog of a friend of mine :

Have I ever…

snuck out of the house [x] Yeah, it was when we still had our summer house in Hanko, I was little, mad at my parents for some silly thing, influenced by the girl next door and daring. I didn't go very far before getting bored. My parents didn't even have time to get worried :D
gotten lost in your city [x] I'm worse than Ryoga from Ranma½..
seen a shooting star [x] Yessirree I have
been to any other countries besides the united states [x] Well I come from Finland, am living in France.. I have been to the US, the Canaries, Spain, Sweden, Estonia..
had a serious surgery [ ] Nothing to be worried about. Have been operated on whilst under anesthetics, but for nothing serious
taken a shower with a member of the opposite sex [x] Why yes, several times even.
gone out in public in your pajamas [x] And I totally rocked 'em
kissed a stranger [x] I don't have enough fingers to count the strangers ;)
hugged a stranger [x] Give me alcohol and I transform into the Hug Fiend.
been in a fist fight [ ] Um, well it did involve pulling of hair and trying to stuff a black board sponge down the other person's throat, but I don't think that counts?
knocked someone out [ ] Maybe with my hung over morning breath, but never with my fists ;)
been arrested [ ] No sir, I am a Saint.
done drugs [ ] Like I said, Saint. My only drugs are chocolate, salmiakki, liquorice and dried nut&fruit. Hey, that stuff can kill you too.
had alcohol [x] And plenty of it. Ah, those were the days..
laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose [x] Water, mostly.
pushed all the buttons on an elevator [ ] Nope, I'm too much of a Goody two-shoes to do that.
made out in an elevator [ ] Err.. probably.. I can't remember.
swore at your parents [ ] I have never sworn directly at my parents, but a few times I've used foul language to explain an unnerving situation to them. Usually it had to do with France.
kicked a guy where it hurts [ ] Not to my knowledge, no. Maybe by accident?
been in love [x] Am.
been close to love [x] Yup, an man did it kill me.
been to a casino [ ] Never had that priviledge no.
been skydiving [ ] I think I'm not brave enough for that.
ran over an animal and killed it [ ] Nope. Seen a sparrow hit the windshield when Dad was driving. And heard a rabbit go pop under the tires (again, Dad was driving)
broken a bone [ ] Nope. I'm too sturdy for that.
been high [ ] Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower I have.
given someone a bruise [x] Oh most likely.
skinny-dipped [x] Well I do come from this cold county that has this tradition with the Sauna.. :)
skipped school [x] Only when I really didn't feel like it would change much even if I went to class. And I always felt bad about it. So at the end I did go. Never skipped the whole day. Never will, SCHOOL IS OVER !
flashed someone [ ] Nothing to flash, unless it's with a flashlight.
had oral surgery [ ] Nope, just braces.
seen a therapist [ ] Funny you should ask.. Nope, but it's been recommended to me.
done the splits [x] Oh yes when I was young and on the road to become a super gymnast. That's before I discovered the joys of laziness.
played spin the bottle [x] Yes ! Not much, but I have.
gotten stitches [x] I guess so. When I was little I liked to climb to high places. Then once, I fell on my face and my teeth pierced my lower lip. I guess you'd need stitches for that.
drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour [x] I used to drink lots of milk before. Now I have some difficulties digesting it.
bitten someone [x] I like to taste my preys.
been to Niagara Falls [ ] Can't say I have no.
gotten the chicken pox [ ] Err, I've had a pox, don't know which one.
kissed a member of the opposite sex [x] Oh and how many, you should ask ! (don't ask, I don't remember)
kissed a member of the same sex [x] And I even have a photo to prove it!
crashed into a friend’s car [ ] God no.
been to Japan [ ] I wish.
ridden in a taxi [x] Um, who hasn't?
been dumped [x] A few times yes.
shoplifted [ ] I keep telling you, I'm a Saint.
been fired [ ] Nope, but I quit before they could fire me.
ever had a crush on someone of the same sex [x] No, but I've had a few weird dreams..
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back [x] I am a girl.
stole something from your job [x] I wouldn't call it stealing.. it's more of a "taking something completely usable/edible that was thrown in the trash and given it to people who'd appreciate it".
gone on a blind date [x] Hohoho.. a few times yes. It was pretty funny :D
lied to a friend [x] Yes. For their or my own good.
had a crush on a teacher [x] Not really a crush, but I did appreciate some more than others.. ;)
celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans [ ] Nope, neva been.
been to Europe [x] :D
slept with a co-worker [x] um.. 3 of my former boyfriends were also 3 former co-workers.. and no, they did no know each other nor did they work with each other in the same place.
been married [ ] No ring on this finger.
gotten divorced [ ] Haven't got the chance yet.
had children [ ] Do children in Sims count ?
seen someone die [ ] I've seen animals die.
been to Africa [ ] Nope.
driven over 400 miles in one day [ ] Have driven for 4½ hours straight on a motorway, going 130 km/h.
been to Canada [ ] Canada!
been to Mexico [ ] No, hombre.
been on a plane [x] Have even flown on a few.
seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show [x] Yup and I don't like it.
thrown up in a bar [ ] In the toilets, yes.
purposely set a part of myself on fire for amusement [ ] No, but some of the boys from my former class once amused themselves with setting their arms on fire. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. Even the one who let his arm burn for a wee bit too long..
eaten sushi [x] And I love it, especially the futomaki... :9
been snowboarding [x] Tried it a few times, I really liked it. Got bruised all over :D
met someone in person from the internet [x] Why yes, that's what led me to meet Olivier.
been moshing at a concert [x] Sure, I was a rebel in my youth.
had real feelings for someone you knew only online [x] Yup.
taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself [ ] Gah, hell no.
been in an abusive relationship [x] Well it was mentally abusive.
lost a child [ ] The kid in Sims died because I didn't wash him often enough..
gone to college [ ] Err.
graduated college [ ]
done hard drugs [ ] Done an overdose of chocolates+salty nuts
tried killing yourself [ ] I did think about it often in my younger days.
taken painkillers [x] Only when it really hurt.

Stabilization.

Last Saturday my boss wanted to talk to me.

I stayed with her for 45mins after work listening to her tell me how I should either see a psychiatrist or a homeopath.

Ok, I get it that she got worried because all the girls told her I wasn't ok, that I had stopped eating blahblah blaaah, but to tell me to go see a shrink ? I just wanted to tell her to stuff it, be it was still so cute that she got worried. She also told me that if I ever needed to take some time off to get better, she would understand, even if it meant canceling clients.

I tried telling her I was better, I felt better, but depression is not something that just goes away when we wish it to.

And then she said the worst thing one could possibly say to a person that all her life has heard "you are ugly, stupid, fat" and complexed about it to the end that she is miserable with her extra weight : You're thinness really doesn't suit you, it's ugly.

Bim.

Thinking back I think that was the spark I needed to leave the dark hole I was sitting in. It really made me fume afterwards. I mean who is she to tell someone how she should be ?! I'm not the size of a ballerina, I'm a big 38!

Jesus.

So anyways, I got through that and it made me start eating again. That night I sat Olivier down and I told him about my total lack of eating. He was worried, but glad that I had told him. I ate some salad and spinach soup.

Sunday I went to see him play. He played brilliantly and made my heart beat faster ;)

Afterwards at home he packed his bags for Barcelona and made all the necessary preparations for his trip. We watched the first movie of the extra super extended version of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I was ready to fall asleep at the end, I kept eating raisins to keep me awake.

Monday he left with the first light of day and I was left snoring in bed.

At work I ate with the girls for the first time in 2 weeks. I even had a mandarine for breakfast and when I told them that they were shocked :D Since Dukan, I haven't eating fruit for like 6 months. Hihihi.

Today we took new pics for the new brochures. At first I was supposed to be the one doing the massaging pics, but it was changed at the last minute. I was a bit hurt by that, but I reasoned that it must be because of what had happened with the Christmas tree client..

Oh well, I told Claire about it and she said that it must be because I haven't been well lately.

I stared at her and said : Excuse me?!

Well, it's normal that she doesn't really want you to be seen on the brochures since you haven't been feeling well.

I told her how hurtful her remark was but she was just like "oh don't take it like that, it's only normal".

So I was fuming and I had to confirm it with my boss. So shyly I asked her.

She looked at me in surprise and told me that no, not at all. The reason was my hands (see. Scarification). And it's true, my hands aren't at their prettiest at the moment.

I felt relieved and had to tell it to Claire who said that our boss had been to see her to tell her the same thing.

Anyways. And then.

I guess the girls don't understand the situation I am in. My boss has told me that if I'm not feeling ok, I shouldn't be let to do make-up tattoos. I told her that I wouldn't joke around with a matter that important. I wouldn't hold the dermograph if I wasn't sure I was capable of doing it.

So today, I eat a salade with the company of the girls.

It's enough to make me full so I don't eat any dessert.

Later on, my boss tells me that the girls told her I don't eat enough during lunch break.

Oh for fuck's sake.

"You should eat sweet stuff ! Pastries ! I'm going to get mad with you Laura, it's going to be war!"

Oh I'll just go eat a few dates over there in the corner..... Look, see, I'm eating sweet dates. Mmm, dates :)

Ok, so which one of you girls told the boss that I wasn't eating enough for your tastes ?

"Well you have slimmed down an awful lot in the last two weeks. Have you seen yourself?"

Well yes, I know this for a fact but you know, I'm fine, I didn't eat more than the salad because it was enough to make me full.

*rolling of eyes* "Yeah right, here, eat a chouquette"

I don't like chouquettes, they're full of air and they are disappointing more than anything.

*more rolling of eyes* "But you've lost too much weight! It's not becoming of you!!"

Fuck they're talented in turning the knife in the wound.

Yes, well thank you, but I like myself very much like this compared to before. It's very touching that you're to feel concerned about me but please, I really am better than I was a few weeks back.

"But it doesn't suit you!"

At this point I had to ask Sandra, the girl who had lost 10 kgs with Dukan and who now is a size 34-36 : And do YOU find yourself fat?!

"No, I'm fine with the way I am"

Well good, because so am I.

"Fine!"

Gah.

I spoke with Clara about it and she really is someone who I think understands me. She even says so herself. She's already thin but she is complexed with her lovehandles. I mean, to me they're nothing to be stressed about, but I know that when YOU are not happy with something, it doesn't matter if everyone else tells you elsewise. So I can talk to her. She can talk to me. :)

I see no point in criticizing others when it's their own business.

Oh well, I guess I respect others too much to the point that it makes me look indifferent.

Hey, I'm Finnish, live and leave alone.

Changes.

I'm feeling easily irritable lately.

I'm trying to figure out why but I can't put my finger on it. The only thing I've noticed is that Olivier is very skilled in irritating me, without even trying.

GAH.

One reason must also be the fact that I haven't been eating lately - for almost 2 weeks now. The girls at work are starting to get suspicious.

I've lived on water, tea and sometimes coffee.

I feel a bit tired but that's about it. I guess I'm jealous that he can eat and I can't.

I mean, I can, but I won't. I can't seem to be able to consume anything other than liquids. Hm. Not that I'm hungry. I guess I'm worried that if I start eating I'll just gain everything back with some extra. When I gradually start eating I'll have to be careful not to eat too much and make it light.

Oh well.

Oh and I decided to stop using the pill. I'll go see the doctor for an alternative. Hormones don't do it for me. Now I'll just have to wait and see what post-pill symptoms I'll have to suffer. Last time it was acne on the torse. For 3 months. Whoppiie.

I went shopping yesterday with the girlfriend of a friend. She'll be moving from Strasbourg to live with him, and since she knows no one around here and you can never have too many friends, I proposed to spend the day with her :) It was fun. I spent some ca$$$h again.

I can't understand the sizes in France. In some shops 38 is too big and in some, impossible to put it on. Gah. Especially with the pants.

Oh I spent 95€ on Fauchon souvenirs for my friends in Finland. I ordered them on Vente-privée.com. I guess I saved 45€. Unbelievable how much a few biscuits can cost....

Hope I'll get them before I leave... it was said that they should be shipped between the 22.3.-7.4. And I'm leaving on the 7th. GAH.

Here's to hoping.

Trouble.

Oh god the monster is back.....

The Christmas tree.. The one who got fucked up.

This sucks ass. I should feel guilty I think, but I don't. I'm just sad for my boss.

She was in such a stressed out state.. :/

But she told me that we never should've tattooed her in the first place, it was a mistake of hers to put her on me. She had her doubts and she should've just listened to her gut, but she didn't. She's the queen bee, I'm a worker. She says work, I work.

She doesn't hold me personally responsable, but hm. Not gonna ask for a raise any time soon.

I reaaaally wish to go to Finland. Waah. Mama.