Here we go again..

I have a serious case of overeating again..

And the only things I eat are candy and cereal.. it's so sad. Been doing that since Monday.

I do not know why. I always feel so bad afterwards... I mean, I eat the whole day.

I never get the feeling of being full. Never.

So I eat and eat and eat.

It's a sign of depression, but I don't know what to do. It's stronger than me. It just.. takes over and I eat happily. I don't stuff it down my throat, I eat at a normal speed, but I still eat A LOT.

It's unnerving.

I want Olivier to come back .. I know it sounds weird, but it feels like when he's not here, I can "secretly" eat anything I want without having to feel guilt.

But I do feel guilt afterwards, a lot of it. I'll feel guilty because I've failed myself and because he'll be worried for me and most probably forcing me to eat "normal food" every day.

See sometimes I don't eat during the whole day.

Funny thing about never feeling full, I never feel hunger either. If I skip a day, I don't do it forcefully, I just don't feel like eating.

So when I eat and eat and eat, it's not because I'm hungry, it's because I can.

This is so fucked up..

I don't know what to do.